I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
