I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize