I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize