whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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