there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
