All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
