When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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