I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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