If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
