Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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