I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Randomize
