you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
