she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
