Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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