oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
