He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
wow bdsm is so cute
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
