At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
