Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
