all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
