ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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