Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize