pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
