I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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