I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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