so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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