I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
