I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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