I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
