i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
