You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
