The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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