names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
