Don't you send me to vm
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
