bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
