He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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