Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize