Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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