the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
