I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I want is dick and wine.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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