Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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