thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
