i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
