His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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