his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
