she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
