I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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