So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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