mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize