"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
