Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
