how hairy? two words: wookie tits
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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