your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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