no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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