Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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