with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
