party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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