Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize