I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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