Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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