dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
