can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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