I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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