i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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