I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
