he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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