did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
