I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
