Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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