either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
