Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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