Umm I'm too high to move.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
