i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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