i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
