does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
