you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
