we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
