lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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