Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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