all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
