A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
