your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
