i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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