Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
