Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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