from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
