And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize