We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
