he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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