I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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