i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
