toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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