I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
