question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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