the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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