I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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