Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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